


What do you mean I still need a title? This is the title now.

by Eterya



Category: Hyperdimension Neptunia
Genre: Comedy, Fourth Wall, Metafiction, No Plot/Plotless, Randomness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-18
Updated: 2018-02-18
Packaged: 2019-03-20 22:25:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,460
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13727232
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eterya/pseuds/Eterya
Summary: Neptune: Hey, check it, it's the summary of the fic.Noire: Neptune, what are you doing? We're about to start. ...Also what did the Fourth Wall ever do to you for you to break it this hard?Neptune: You know everyone loves me for it. Also, dear prospective reader, you should totally come and check out this story, it's gonna be great.Noire: Neptune, come on, don't keep everyone waiting.Neptune: Alright, I'm going. You should come too, there will be fanservice and pudding.***An exercise in metafiction and randomness.





	What do you mean I still need a title? This is the title now.

**Neptune** : Oh, heeey. We're in a fanfic now.

 **Noire** : Really, Neptune? Do you _have_ to be so meta right off the bat? You're setting a bad precedent for the rest of this story.

 **Neptune** : Too bad, it's pretty much all gonna be super meta jokes.

 **Noire** : Oh, this is just- ...No, nevermind, it's fine. I just hope the author knows what they're doing and this doesn't turn out like that positively disgusting 'adult' fanfic we were in before. The things that guy made us do...

 **Blanc** : I'm sure Vert didn't mind.

 **Neptune** : Hey, you guys are here too.

 **Vert** : Of course. This is a fanfic after all, it's all but required to do a roll call of all the important characters at the start.

 **Blanc** : 'Important'? Then I wonder what you're doing here.

 **Neptune** : Ooh, shots fired.

 **Noire** : So, are we just doing some silly skit until it stops being funny, or is this whole thing actually going anywhere? Speaking of... where are we anyways?

**The Basilicom.**

[it's a beautiful day outside, birds are singing, flowers are blooming. on days like these, kids like you-]

 **Noire** : Hey, who are you calling a kid?!

 **Neptune** : Psst, Noire, I think that was gonna be a reference. Also what was that about being meta before? At least _I_ didn't read the narration.

 **Noire** : You- This charade is pointless, I'm leaving.

 **Uni** : Come on, Noire, you can't just walk out on us.

 **Vert** : Uni. Since when are you here?

 **Uni** : Um, I...

**She was obviously here the whole time.**

**Noire** : I'm not buying that. Are you just having characters show up as they're required?

 **Blanc** : Now that's some lazy writing.

**Is not. And if you'd look around a moment you'd see that everyone is here already. Isn't that right, Uzume?**

**Uzume** : 'Sup, guys? I was totally here the whole time. ...Come on, you can do better than that.

 **Neptune** : I just noticed, why are we speaking like this anyways?

 **Blanc** : That's right, this is a script, not a story. Where's the narration?

**...Narration is hard, okay?**

**Blanc** : I suppose I can relate, but still...

 **Noire** : This is a mess. What's the whole point of this farce anyways?

**Beats me.**

**Vert** : You're the author, shouldn't you be the one person who knows?

**I _should_. But I'm just stream-of-consciousness writing whatever I come up with. Like an exercise to get back into writing so I can do a proper story later.**

**Uni** : So this really is pointless.

**I suppose I could just run down the list of Neptunia jokes and clichés and see if anything funny comes out.**

**Noire** : Oh, great. I can't wait for the cavalcade of wittiness and originality that is about to ensue. ...'Cavalcade'? I don't talk like that. Was that your word of the day or something?

 **Neptune** : Yeah, that sounded closer to Iffy, if anything.

**Oh, shush. Now, let's see: I've already run meta jokes into the ground, with no intention of stopping; there's something about pudding; Noire and Uni being Tsundere; Noire being a loner-**

**Noire** : Ex-cuse me?! What do you think you're-

**-Vert having big boobs; Vert being an MMO junkie; Blanc having a flat chest and getting triggered-**

**Blanc** : The hell'd you just say? Do you really think the fourth wall can protect you from me kicking your ass?

**Case in point. Let's do something with Neptune.**

**Neptune** : Hm? Oh, I've got plenty friends, I have no problem with my chest – I mean, have you looked at Purple Heart, she's stacked –; I'm the protagonist, everyone loves me. I have no flaws, come at me.

**Apart from being a complete slacker that needs Histoire and Nepgear to run your nation? But I've got something better. Compa, if you would?**

**Compa** : Hey, Nep-Nep, look at this. This person at the supermarket showed me a cool new recipe that I just had to try. Ta-daa~ It's eggplant pudding.

 **Neptune** : Pudding, I love pudding. But... I hate eggplants. But... it's also pudding so it must be great. ...But it's also eggplants, so it's gonna be gross. But... but... pudding… eggplant... Does not compute

 **Compa** : Oh dear, I think you broke Nep-Nep.

**Man, this stuff really writes itself sometimes.**

**Noire** : And you expect the rest of us to just sit around here and wait for you to poke fun at us too?

 **Blanc** : Instead of just kicking your ass?

**I'm a disembodied, omnipotent (not to mention attractive, intelligent and talented) presence. So, yes.**

**Vert** : Quite full of yourself is what you are.

 **Neptune** : Hah! You better have BURN HEAL! Cause you just got roas-teed.

**I never said 'modest', now did I?**

**Noire** : I'm not putting up with this nonsense any longer, this is stupid! Come on, Uni, we're done here.

 **Uzume** : Hey, hold on, you can't just go and end the story. I got like one single line so far, what gives?

**I can't think of any good jokes for you right now, sorry, and I kinda feel like you'd be better suited for a bit more serious scenes anyways.**

**Uzume** : Um, thanks, I guess? But can't you come up with something?

**I mean, if you want to go all Uzume Daydream Theatre, be my guest.**

**Uzume** : N-no, I'm good. Serious is fine too, right?

 **Vert** : Has any of this been serious to begin with?

**Nope.**

**Uzume** : Come on, I found the ending of my story pretty serious. Especially the part where-

 **Neptune** : Hey, watch it! Spoiler Alert! Some of us haven't played VII yet!

 **Noire** : That's an impossibility on so many levels and you know it.

 **Neptune** : Yeah, yeah, but some readers might not, so better safe than sound and all that.

 **Vert** : However I do agree, the finale of that story did have some serious moments. As did my part of the Hyperdimension Arc, surely.

 **Nepgear** : But to be fair, those serious moments are mostly small portions of the games.

 **Uzume** : Hey, Gearsy.

 **Uni** : Nepgear, you're here too?

 **Noire** : Really? Are you all still gonna pretend to act surprised at that? This is stupid. Can everyone else who hasn't said anything yet speak up so can be done with this overused 'joke'?

 **Blanc** : You realize this isn't going to stop them from doing that again.

**It's not.**

**Ram** : Blanc, we're here too!

 **Rom** : Hey, sis.

 **IF** : Obviously so am I, took you long enough.

 **Neptune(Older)** : The protagonist makes her appearance. ...Hang on, can I get another name tag, this one looks kinda weird.

 **Ultradimension!Neptune** : Much better.

**Isn't this a bit unwieldy? Not too mention potentially confusing.**

**Old!Neptune** : This doesn't seem right either.

 **Adult!Neptune** : I don't know, am I actually legal yet?

 **Noire** : That's your complaint in all this?

 **Big!Neptune** : Ooh, so it's gonna keep changing, is that the joke you're going with?

**Yes.**

**Neptune (again)** : You're gonna run out of names eventually.

**Not if I don't give you any more speaking parts.**

**Neptune (II)** : No fair! I'm the protagonist, you can't do that.

 **Neptune** : That's protagonist fraud, you should sue! ...And the author totally stole that joke.

**Give me a break, do you know how tough it is to have a dozen people present and give them all equal screen time? **

**Blanc** : Clearly the sign of a hack writer, gathering all these characters in one place, then not knowing what to do with them.

**Don't you of all people sass me; I've yet to decide what I'm gonna do with your own writing in this fic, I might just go with the usual 'Blanc writes crappy self-inserts' joke.**

**Blanc** : Why you...

 **Ram** : That's low.

 **Rom** : Y-you're a meanie.

 **Blanc** : Whatever. Don't even bother with this nonsense.

 **IF** : So now you've poked fun at Neptune, Big Nep, Lady Noire (kind of), and now Lady Blanc. Who's next? Lady Vert?

**Hm... Nepgear, catch!**

**Nepgear** : Huh? B-waah!

[Suddenly from somewhere outside a cup of pudding flies through the open window (despite them being on the 20-something th  floor), defying probability – and physics – to miss everyone else and fly halfway through the room before hitting Planeptune's Candidate square in the face, knocking her backwards onto a nearby sofa]

 **Neptune** **(the other one)** : Oh, resorting to slapstick now? Also we've suddenly got narration?

**Yeah, never fails.**

**Uni** : Nepgear!

 **Nepgear** : G-goodness. Don't worry, I'm fine. But I'm all sticky now...

 **Neptune** : You look kinda delicious, Nep Jr.

 **Vert** : I'll say. Come here, Nepgear, let your older sister help you clean this up.

[In one swift motion the blonde CPU produces a white handkerchief from her cleavage, reaches around Nepgear's shoulders to pull the girl quite closer, then starts _diligently_ cleaning her face from pudding, causing the Candidate to blush rather furiously.]

 **Nepgear** : V-Vert, ...th-this is...

 **Vert** : There's no need to be embarrassed, my dear. This is only natural for sisters to do.

 **Neptune** : Nep-whaat?! Are you trying to steal my sister? Again? Give her back!

[Neptune grabs hold of Nepgear's arm in order to pull her away from Vert, the taller goddess trying to hold her in place, much to the poor girl's dismay.]

 **Nepgear** : O-ow! Neptune, both of you, stop it!

[Trying to break free from her predicament, Nepgear suddenly loses her footing, making all three of them tumble to the ground, with Neptune at the bottom of the pile, and Vert on top – and Nepgear's face completely buried in the blonde's sizeable cleavage.]

 **Blanc** : Physical slapstick. Comedic gold, truly.

 **Neptune 2.0** : Didn't you mean 'such slapstick. much comedy. so entertain'?

 **IF** : Stale memes? Don't you have any shame?

**Hahaha, no. Oh wait, you're serious. Let me laugh even harder. Haaaah ha ha ha! No.**

**Uni** : Nepgear! Are you okay?

 **Vert** : Oh, she's fine. More than fine, even. I'm willing to bet she's quite enjoying this right now.

 **Uni** : Get off her, Thunder Tits!

[Uni kicks Vert off Nepgear to pull the purple-haired Candidate up, then helps her help Neptune get up too]

 **Nepgear** : Thank you, Uni.

 **Neptune** : Yeah. Thanks, Mini-Noire.

 **Vert** : My, so rough. If I had known you were into that-

 **Uni** : Shut it.

 **Nepgear** : D-do you really have to kick her while she's down?

 **IF** : Well I mean, _if_ you're gonna kick someone, that's the best opportunity. ...What!? Don't look at me like that.

 **Vert** : Even you, Iffy? I didn't think you'd be so ...vicious.

 **IF** : I-I just meant pragmatically speaking. I wouldn't- ...I'm sorry, Lady Vert. Here.

 **Vert** : Thank you. And _you_ really should teach your sister some more manners.

 **Noire** : Maybe. But this time you were honestly asking for it.

 **Blanc** : Clearly deserved.

 **Vert** : Of course _you_ would say that. You know it's poor form to take your insecurities out on others. Just because of your ...inadequacy-

 **Blanc** : Haah! Get back here, Thunder Tits! I'll inadequate your ass!

 **IF** : Please don't break anything with that hammer in here.

 **Noire** : What was that about physical comedy before? ...And there they go. I just hope she doesn't destroy any load-bearing walls or something.

 **Neptune** : Aw, don't worry, Histy's just gonna fix it if they break anything.

 **Noire** : That's really not a task you should foist off on your- Why do I even bother telling you this, it's not like you ever listen anyways.

 **Nepgear** : I will take care of it later, don't worry, Noire.

 **Uzume** : Ya know, Nepsy, without Gearsy and Histy taking care of things to you, you'd be kinda screwed, huh?

 **Neptune** : H-hey, why's everyone suddenly ganging up on me? No cool.

**It's true, though.**

**Neptune** : Is not. Okay... A little. Maybe. Sometimes.

 **Noire** : One hundred percent, completely and entirely, all the time.

**Hey Neptune, payback time. Quick, say something nice to her.**

**Neptune** : Huh? Okay, um... You know, Noire, despite all your criticising and bossiness and stuff, you're a capable CPU and a great person, and I just wanted to say I really appreciate your friendship.

 **Noire** : W-what's that about all of a sudden? I-it's not like I came here for you or anything.

 **Neptune**. Ooh, I get it. Your hair looks nice today, by the way.

 **Noire** : S-stop saying stuff like that! My hair always looks like this.

 **Uni** : Heh. You're totally blushing.

 **Noire** : D-did you have to narrate that to everyone? Also aren't you supposed to defend your big sister from things like that?

 **Uni** : ...How would I defend you from a compliment?

 **Noire** : Is this the thanks I get for always doing my best to be a good sister? Then how about you tell Nepgear how you feel about her?

 **Nepgear** : Oh? What is it, Uni?

 **Uni** : U-um, I... T...that's-

 **Rom** : I don't get it. ...Why is Uni blushing too?

 **Ram** : I'll explain when you're older. Come on, Uni, spill it.

 **Neptune Too** : Two tsunderes for the price of one, nice.

**Don't tease them too much now. I'm saving most of the shipping stuff for later.**

**Noire** : Shipping? Are you really going there?

**Why, of course.**

**Uzume** : I mean, have you seen the author's other stuff? It's almost all yuri shipping, so this was kinda inevitable.

 **Noire** : Hmph. Have it your way, then. Just know that it's going to take a _lot_ of work to make me fall for anyone in this room. ...No offence.

 **Neptune** : So you say, but I bet I, the protagonist, could get you into bed in less than 42 minutes. None of the ladies can resist the Nep.

 **IF** : Please don't ever say that again.

 **Blanc** : Seconded. This sort of thing just sounds wrong, coming from you.

 **Rom** : You're back...

 **Ram** : Did you get that bully Vert?

 **Blanc** : I... let her go for now. I'd rather watch this trainwreck unfold some more.

**Hey! I'll have you know you can expect nothing but quality shipping from me.**

**Uni** : Yeah right...

 **Vert** : Did I hear someone say shipping? Do count me in. I'd love to be paired up with Nepgear. Then again, we're sisters... That's forbidden love, oh, how exciting.

 **Blanc** : Great. She's back too.

 **Nepgear** : D-do I not get a say in the matter?

 **Uzume** : I don't get it. Why are you guys getting so worked up about this shipping stuff? Isn't falling in love and all that a good thing?

 **Blanc** : It is. It's just that some people (and writers) lack the maturity to handle the kind of affection and commitment true love entails.

 **Compa** : I don't really worry about any of that. I've got Iffy and she's mine and that's all that matters.

 **IF** : Uh, C-Compa, that's not... W-we're just friends and that's all...

 **Compa** : I know what I said.

 **Noire** : Ugh, can you all stop it with this shipping talk? Any more and I'll end up imagining the sort of things couples could get up to with each other in private- ...Aah! Where's the Brain Bleach when you need it?

 **Nep Sr.** : I got something like that hidden in my Nep Note somewhere. It's called vodka.

 **Noire** : I am _not_ going to get blackout-wasted. None of us are. This whole theatre is bad enough without any drunken antics ensuing.

 **Vert** : Oh, so you'd rather picture me and, say... Big Neptune here consummating our love on the nice huge bed in my room in my Basilicom. Only lit by a few candles, the flickering light still enough to make out the shape of her every curve, and her soft lips, as I embrace her. All but consumed by passion, we kiss, our bodies only separated by the silky fabric of our nightgowns, and Neptune's breath catches in her throat as she whispers my name, and I reach down towards her-

 **Noire** : NOT LISTENING! LA LA LA, I CAN'T HEAR YOU!

 **Rom** : What's Vert talking about, big sis?

 **Ram** : I think I get it. That's this 'adult literature' stuff she sometimes talks about, right?

 **Blanc** : Did you harlot just try to taint my sisters' innocence?

 **Vert** : ...Oh dear.

 **White Heart** : This time I'll friggin' end you, bitch! Get back here!

 **Neptune** : The Wheel of Fate is turning. Rebel Two. Fight! ...Or run, or whatever.

 **Neptune mk.2** : ...I'm not sure how I'm supposed to feel about this.

 **Neptune** : Feel flattered ...probably.

 **IF** : You know, that was a nice bit of description and all, but if you were hoping to get some cheap fanservice out of that, compared to games, in writing it falls kinda flat.

 **Neptune** : Well not like either of the two was particularly 'flat', if you get what I'm saying. *wink*

 **Noire** : Neptune, did you just _say_ *wink* out loud?

 **Neptune** : Did I? I think I was supposed to actually do it. This format is confusing.

 **Noire** : Again, what a mess. Also what's with the lame innuendo?

 **Neptune** : So~orry. But it was too obvious. Someone had to do it.

**Iffy's got a point, though, it's one of the constraints of the medium. Same with just visual descriptions of stuff; 'worth a thousand words' indeed. But I think Vert's little bit did serve its purpose, with just enough description and details to picture-**

**Noire** : Can you all _stop_ discussing that scene?! I'm trying not to imagine any of that!

**Case in point. There's an art to it, the trick is to build off what your reader/audience knows and let their imagination fill in a lot of things. For example, picture a spooky cemetery at night.**

**Compa** : That means you readers at home too, ple~ease.

**I just gave you those four words, yet odds are the scene you imagined involved at least some of: conveniently-placed crows, ominous fog, rows of tombstones, a creaky iron gate, silhouettes of leafless trees, maybe a mausoleum or some kind of statue. **

**Uzume** : You nailed it, cool.

 **Uni** : Spot on, not bad.

**And if any of these elements were to make an appearance later in the scene, hardly anyone would bat an eye, since they imagined it there anyways, or at least go like 'this makes perfect sense to have been there all along'.**

**Noire** : So, precisely like you've been not doing so far in this story.

**Oh, but I have. Like I how I mentioned the Basilicom with a single word, yet people are probably picturing the Planeptower, potentially that one recurring room from the anime, if they've seen it. **

**Neptune** : That sounds like you're making it way too easy for yourself.

**Default assumptions are a powerful thing. They can save a bunch of work in setting the scene, especially in fanfiction with lots of established elements. Or do some funny things if you screw with them, like the reveal at the end of a story that the hero is actually black/not human/the only human/an animal/transgender/a mutant/a tomato/and so on.**

**Noire** : Great. What's the point? And why is this suddenly turning into creative writing 101 or something?

 **Rom** : I-I think it's interesting...

**Don't worry, I'll get back to the jokes soon enough. Just allow me to demonstrate my point. Like how most readers are probably defaulting to picturing all of you in your iconic outfits: Neptune's parka dress, Nepgear's sailor uniform, Iffy's impractical jacket, Compa's sweater, and so forth.**

**Uni** : Well, yeah. What else would we be wearing?

**Oh, I don't know... Maybe _you're_ wearing a cute black and white maid costume instead.**

[So she is.]

 **Uni** : H-huh?

 **Nepgear** : ...You do look good in it, though.

 **Uni** : Wh- I- I... W-well of course I do. I can make everything look good after all.

 **Uzume** : It looks pretty fancy. Did Noirsy make it for you?

 **Noire** : Don't be ridiculous! I don't sow or anything! Uni asked me to make it for her! It's not like I cosplay myself and-

 **Neptune** : And that, boys and girls, is called 'digging yourself deeper' You should really just stop right there, Noire.

 **Noire** : What was the point of this costume anyways?

**A demonstration. For one, challenging the reader's assumptions (if in a rather harmless manner), and for two, despite me never describing the maid costume in detail, you can be 90% of people were picturing something quite similar anyways, saving me a bunch of work. Or maybe I just wanted to see someone in a cute maid costume. Because fanservice.**

**Noire** : That's still my _sister_ you're talking about, you know.

**You want in on the action too? My bad. So I totally forgot to mention that Noire is entirely naked-**

**Noire** : WHAT?!

[She's not. This story is still rated T.]

 **Noire** : W-what the hell was that about?! Pervert!

**Sorry. But I had you (and the readers) going there for a moment.**

**Noire** : What is _wrong_ with you?!

**Again, just making a point. You can get fanservice to happen in a written medium, just as well as physical comedy (and some sight gags, but not all), you just have to give the reader's imagination the right framework to fill in the blanks. But don't worry, I wouldn't let anything indecent happen here, there are children present. Blanc would probably find a way to murder me past the fourth wall if I involve her sisters in any of that. **

**Uni** : So could I, you know.

**Alright, alright, point taken. I'll stop. Speaking of Blanc, I wonder where-**

**Green Heart** : -I regret nothiiiiiing-

 **IF** : Lady Green Heart!

 **Nepgear** : Goodness. She landed in the fountain in front of the Basilicom.

 **White Heart** : And don't bother getting up.

 **Nepgear** : Didn't you overdo it just a little? What did she say to get you this angry- On second thought I don't think I want to know.

 **Blanc** : She'll live. Probably. And no, you don't.

 **Neptune** : More importantly, how'd you open the window from the outside?

 **Blanc** : I didn't, Nepgear let me in, obviously. And I see the author still isn't doing proper narration instead of clumsily establishing facts through dialogue. [Blanc sighed, shaking her head.]

 **Neptune** : Huh? [Neptune looked up at the previous line.] You're doing this now just to spite her, aren'tcha? [She asked with a quizzical tilt of her head.]

 **Noire** : I'm sorry, [Noire added,] but this is no improvement. If anything, it's going to give me a headache.

 **See?** [The author asked in a somewhat condescending tone] **Without completely changing the style now (and in the process creating a rather jarring break for the reader), it's always going to be a mess like this, or woefully inconsistent in what gets and doesn't get narrated. And trying to write a regularly narrated dialogue with over a dozen characters...**

 **Blanc** : Would lead to countless instances of 'X said' every other line.

**Or people addressing each other by name even more unrealistically often. Glad you see my point, just bear with this format for now.**

**Blanc** : Well, alright. Did I miss anything else?

 **Rom** : We learned something about writing and descriptions. ...It was interesting.

 **Ram** : And then the author demonstrated by putting Uni in a maid costume for some reason.

 **Blanc** : I see. I was wondering about that getup.

 **Neptune** : Also Noire almost got naked.

 **Noire** : I did _not_! That was that idiot author's doing! Ugh, just read back up what happened.

 **Blanc** : ...Ah. ...I see. And you can bet I would've taken you apart if you put either of my sisters in some weird fetish costume.

 **Ram** : Aw, how come we don't get to play dress-up.

 **Rom** : ...No fair.

 **Uni** : What's 'weird' supposed to mean?

 **Blanc** : *sigh* You'll keep nagging me about this if I don't let you, won't you? How about we play dress-up once we're back in Lowee?

 **Rom** : Yay!

 **Ram** : Yeah!

 **Vert** : Yes! ...What? Dress-up with the lovely Rom and Ram? Do count me in?

 **Blanc** : You're not invited. And besides, didn't you use this kind of reappearance last time too?

 **Vert** : Would you rather me dramatically announce my reentry with fireworks and trumpets?

 **Blanc** : I'd rather you stayed gone, but we can't always get what we want, can we?

 **Vert** : How cold. At least my little sister still loves me, don't you, Nepgear?

 **Nepgear** : Huh?

 **Neptune** : Nope. We're not doing the whole 'Vert trying to steal Nep Jr.' thingie again. Find some new joke.

 **Noire** : Yeah, good luck with that.

**Everyone's a critic these days. What would you have me do then? Put Nepgear in a revealing cosplay too?**

**Vert** : Yes, please.

 **Nepgear** : N-no! Why is it I keep being made the target of all the jokes and slapstick?!

**Sorry about that. But it's not like you're the only victim right now, so don't be like that. And i f/when I write an actual story, you’ll get off better, I swear . So, do you want some nice new outfit or no? Maybe another maid to match Uni. **

**Nepgear** : I-I'm not sure. It's not that I mind a little fanservice, but...

 **Uni** : ...I think you'd look good in it...

 **Nepgear** : Come again, Uni? I couldn't-

**As you wish.**

[And would you look at that, Nepgear is indeed wearing a maid costume to match Uni's, if with a purple headband and highlights.]

 **Nepgear** : Oh? Goodness.

 **Uni** : I-is that your response to everything?

 **IF** : And why are _you_ blushing, Black Sister?

 **Compa** : Isn't it obvious, Iffy? Don't tease her.

 **Uni** : W-what are you talking about? I'm not-

 **Vert** : My, seeing the two of you getting flustered like this, and in so cute costumes to boot, is just too adorable. I could just adopt the both of you right here and now.

 **Noire** : Blanc, don't you think it's high time you chased her off with your axe again?

 **Blanc** : Pass. I thought we wanted to stop recycling jokes. How about you go after her this time?

 **Noire** : No thanks. As the CPU of Lastation I'm far above resorting to physical slapstick and threats of violence.

 **Blanc** : What was that? Care to say that again, Lonely Heart?

N **oire** : Oh, I was only saying if _I_ wanted to hurt someone I wouldn't bother screaming and chasing them around, but just hurt them. And right now you're about to make that list ...Is what I would be saying if I had the same hair-trigger temper like you do. But instead we can save ourselves another pointless fight.

 **Blanc** : Or an 'exit stage left, return when convenient', more likely. You don't think we'd actually get to see a fight scene in this format, do you?

 **Noire** : Fair point.

 **Uzume** : Hang on, what was that all about? Did the author just start to set up something, then double back in a seriously transparent subversion?

**Well, yeah... I realized starting a fight over something like this was rather OOC for Noire.**

**Noire** : That it is. But then why not simply delete the line and redo it?

**Because that would have been the sensible thing to do. This way I can get some more meta humour out of it.**

**Blanc** : For a loose definition of 'humour'.

 **Neptune** : Well I for my part am all for some more meta.

 **IF** : You would.

 **Noire** : But after discussing (and demonstrating) writing techniques with the characters, that's about as bad it can get, they're gonna run out of jokes eventually.

**Probably. But not yet. -he q---- -ro-- --x -u--- ov-- t-e ---- -o-.**

**Neptune** : What is this i don't even

 **Uni** : Um, what?

 **Noire** : Yup. They've officially gone crazy now.

 **Ram** : Hey, big sis, check this out! **We found some cool big letters**.

 **Rom** : **Now we can talk like this**.

 **Noire** : ...I stand corrected.

 **Neptune** : Man, you really should know not to tempt fate like that by now.

 **Blanc** : ...How did you two even do this?

 **Ram** ****: **Easy** , **we just took them**.

 **Rom** : ... **That one sentence up there had all of them**.

 **Neptune** : Colour me impressed, that's a new one.

 **Uzume** : Is that like the equivalent of having comic characters break the frames of their panels and use them as weapons?

**\---- -----.**

**Compa** : Was that supposed to be Morse code?

 **Vert** : I think that's the author missing the letters to say anything.

 **Noire** : Some (relative) peace and quiet, how nice.

[The author would have you know the narration is still here, and if you don't watch it, you _will_ be put in some fanservice-y costume too.]

 **Noire** : Great. And here I was hoping.

 **Uzume:** Hey, RomRam, can I get some of those letters too?

 **Ra m**: Su **re**.

 **Ro m**: ...He **r** e **yo** u **go**.

 **Uzume** : Cool, thanks. Now I can sound all important too.

 **Neptuno Dos** : You've got your Megaphone, isn't that loud enough?

 **Uzume** : BUT THAT'S NOT REALLY THE SAME, IS IT? I mean, you can clearly tell the difference between THAT and **this**.

 **Neptun Zwei** : What the nep, dude! Did you have to yell like that?

 **Uzume** : Oops, sorry.

 **Blanc** : Alright, now that the kids have had their fun with the bold letters, could you give them back to the author? We've gotten a decent joke out of it, but it's about to overstay its welcome.

 **Uzume** : Hm, sure. Here.

 **Ra m**: **W** e **don** 't **wanna**.

 **Ro m**: These **l** ette **r** s **ar** e **f** u **n**.

**\-- u'-e \---e\--- missi\-- - -u\--h \-- -m\---t\--t \--es.**

**Nepgear** : But so are you. Come on, girls, please give them back.

 **IF** : Yeah, before the author gets impatient and something dumb happens again.

 **Neptune** : What's wrong, Iffy? Afraid of being put into a maid costume too? Or being fed eggplants?

 **IF** : That was Ultradimension me. I still like eggplants just fine. Especially the way Compa cooks them.

 **Compa** : Thanks, Iffy. But by the way, I think you'd look lovely in a cute maid costume too.

 **Noire** : Seriously, you too? Does everyone here have a meido fetish or what?

 **Vert** : I suppose you'd have to blame the author for that.

  **\-- t i\- ---ti-u\---. It's \--st \- ---ve-ie-t \---e t\- use.**

 **Blanc** : This is getting stupid. Both of you, give them back, before I get angry!

 **Ro m**: **B** - **b** i **g** sis is s **cary**...

 **Ra** **m** : **Yo** u' **r** e **no** **f** u **n** **.** **Alr** i **gh** t, **h** e **r** e.

**Much better. But regardless, I think it's about time we ended this off.**

**Neptune** : Aaw, already?

 **Blanc** : 'Already' being almost 5000 words and 17 pages in.

 **Neptune** : That's nothing. And besides, this is a script, so it only counts as half as many pages.

**Just about; I found I average some 500-600 words per densely written page. But 5000 words is still 5000 words. Have you ever heard the saying to 'quit while you're ahead'?**

**Uni** : I mean, Neptune hardly ever works enough to get ahead in the first place.

 **Noire** : More like she never works at all, so she never needs to quit either.

 **Neptune** : No fair tag-teaming me like this! Nep Jr., help me out here!

 **Nepgear** : I... I'm sorry, Neptune, but they're mostly right.

 **Neptune** : Even my own sister... I'll have you know that I _do_ work. ...Sometimes.

 **IF & Vert & Blanc**: Do you?

 **Neptune** : Oh come on! Alright, I get it, just end the story already.

**How good of you to see reason. But I feel I'm about to run out of jokes, and since this is supposed to be a creative exercise, trying to force it or pad the length would be pointless.**

**Blanc** : That it would. Creativity and inspiration are fickle things indeed.

**That they are. I had that one other bit about with how self-aware the entirety of Gamindustri is, if you have you own equivalent of TvTropes too. **

**Ram** : Yeah, we have that too. But Blanc only lets us surf there while she's watching.

 **Blanc** : With good enough reason.

 **Rom** : It's called NepTropes.

**How delightfully egotistical. But while I'm sure there's a certain overlap in demographics, I have no clue what portion of my readers would actually get the joke if we started discussing tropes by name or something, so I'll leave it at this little bit.**

**Neptune** : Bo~oring. But everyone reading this who doesn't know it yet should totally check out tvtropes org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/VideoGame/Neptunia . It's great.

 **Blanc** : If you don't value your free time, that is.

 **Noire** : Excuse me, Miss Hobby Novelist? Aren't you easily the one of us who spends the most time on there?

 **Blanc** : Which is _why_ I'm the most qualified to make that judgment. TvTropes Will Ruin Your Life.

 **Neptune** : No it won't. If anything, it's gonna Enhance it.

**It helps a bunch with writing too. Also, where else would you learn words such as 'egregious'. ...Alright, _now_ I've run out of material. Let's wrap this up, shall we?**

**Neptune** : You know the drill by now, thank you all for playing- ...I mean, reading. And check back here in a few months or something, the author may have posted something else by then.

**Hey!**

**Noire** : Well, despite how much of a mess this whole affair was, I suppose it was... entertaining.

 **Uzume** : Yeah! Thanks a bunch for sticking around until the end.

[The narration too thanks the reader and bids you until then.]

 **Nepgear** : Hang on, you're not gonna let the rest of us-

** No. **

**Author's Note:**

> AN: Let me just start by saying I never meta humour I didn't like. The author (who is not quite entirely me, but mostly reflected my points) said most of the stuff for me already. This was born as a writing exercise, but turned out entertaining (and long) enough that I decided to post it. With a huge thanks to /u/Megaswifter on reddit and ff.net for proofreading (and impressively fast at that). Also tfw it turns out ao3 doesn't actually do different fonts and I have to make the author/the letters the twins steal from them underlined instead.
> 
> The reason that Uzume and Big Nep in particular make an appearance, but not, say, Plutia, Peashy or any of the Makers from mk.2 is that when I started writing I had only finished VII (by now I completed all four main games), and that adding even more characters halfway through would have had me splitting up the screen time even worse. 
> 
> And I do intend to write more Neptunia at some point in the future, but it's probably going to be a while, there's some other stuff I really should get back to first. So yeah. Hope you found this entertaining, thanks for reading, any and all constructive criticism/feedback is greatly appreciated.
> 
> Peace out


End file.
